why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
