My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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