I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
