he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
