My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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