There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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