Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
