I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
