Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i dont even know how to be here
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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