they need to just BURY HIM!
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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