I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
