Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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