You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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