First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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