I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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