do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
