I want to walk on stilts...naked
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
