Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
