i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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