I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
