woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
