When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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