I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
NoShamevember. You game?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
