operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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