Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
