Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
