You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
