awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
