fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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