Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
