She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
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