do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
