she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
