It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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