So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
