I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
