He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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