my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
