Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
