I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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