You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
