i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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