do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
