I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I still have a little drunk in my system
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
