you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
barbara walters just said penis...
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
