I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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