I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
