Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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