1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I puked a lego.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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