Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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