Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
