Swine flu is the new snow day.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
