I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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