some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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