I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
