are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
