Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Need sex. Gaining weight.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
